What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
