so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
