she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
