I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
