is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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