i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
