omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
