I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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