you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
