you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I lost the right to judge tonight
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
