So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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