We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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