That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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