The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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