spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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