My liver just broke up with me...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize