I'm jealous of your bromance
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
