let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
