I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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