ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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