Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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