Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have feelings that need drinking.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
