I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize