We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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