I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
