I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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