just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
