Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
