Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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