how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
