please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
