In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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