I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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