The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
