Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize