We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
