Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
