A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My penis needs a shock collar
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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