I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
