I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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