i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
