Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want nice things and good sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
