Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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