everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's rum buckets o'clock
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
