ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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