Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
