So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
