BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
