you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
