his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
