i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
