So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
