I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
