a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
