Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
