he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
