dude i'm inner monologue high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
