i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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