Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
