he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
