I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
