she was so not down for the gang bang
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
