my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
