actually, I'm a sock model
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
