I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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