I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
