I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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