my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize