I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
