Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
