1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i think my cat just said my name.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
