he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
