She said her name was "party"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
