No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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