god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love having hate sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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