The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
