Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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