Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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