I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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