I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
