i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize