We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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