College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
