all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
