Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
