ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These tits shall not be calmed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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