Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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