May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize