You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
