No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
