ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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