Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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