Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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