I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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