I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
