sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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