Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
