So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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